Once in a while a product takes on mythical characteristics that have little or nothing to do with their original mandate. Over the years, lists of these alternative uses were photocopied and passed hand-to-hand. Later on, they were faxed from office to office, and now they’re posted all over the Internet. Somewhere in my files is a photocopy of a handwritten list of the miraculous uses to which Bounce drier sheets can be put. According to the list maker, Bounce will eliminate static electricity from a television screen, dissolve soap scum from shower doors, collect cat hair, and repel mosquitoes.
The list of miracles that Avon’s Skin So Soft is said to perform also includes being anathema to mosquitoes, but I’ve never tried either of them in that context. In fact, until last night I’d never used either of them for anything. And last night, my life changed.
You see, in the winter, when the heat comes on and the humidity level in the house drops below 20 percent, my skin turns to parchment and I spend much of my time scratching, or wanting to be scratching. But last night, after watching me scratch every winter since 1991, my lovely wife Tina suggested that I fill the tub, add a capful of Skin So Soft, and hop in. Thirty minutes later I was marinating in the aforementioned solution and wondering why Tina waited 19 years before suggesting this procedure. No matter: the past is passed, and we move on. So, after a long, luxurious soak I sprinted across the bathroom, rinsed off in the shower, and toweled off.
I was, in short, a new man: my Skin was So Soft, the itching was gone, and I slid into bed and enjoyed the deep, untroubled sleep of one whose problems are small and inconsequential. Upon awaking, my problems were still large and of great consequence, but my skin was still soft, and I felt no need to scratch. And sometimes a small victory is all it takes to set the tone of the day.
Happy New Year!